Drawn to Drawing

I have always wanted to know how to draw.

Well…that is not entirely the truth.  When I was a kid, I knew how to draw. Without a doubt, at least in my estimation, all my creations were decisively fridge-worthy.  Not that I cared if any of my works were ever shown at the KAG (Kitchen Art Gallery).  I loved drawing for its own sake.  And colouring.  And painting.  And anything art related.

"fridge-worthy" - self-portrait, 1977

And then, somewhere along the way, I realized that what I was putting on paper didn’t bear much, if any, resemblance to what was actually in front of me.  This became a source of great frustration and a resulting downward shift in confidence, and I resigned myself to what logically had to be the truth: I simply wasn’t an Artist and therefore couldn’t and wouldn’t ever be able to draw.

Instead, I drew and re-drew the few learned images I deemed “good” at the time (so many cartoon bunnies, 3-dimensional hearts, and crying eyes), and stopped trying to draw anything else. Creating anything original wasn’t even remotely in the picture, (pardon the pun), and even though I continued to own sketchpads, coloured pencils, and paints, I never really knew what to do with them.

However, I always wanted to know.

There is an undeniable pull that I have always felt to art supplies and art stores. I experience a deep yearning as I wander the aisles and long to know what each item is used for and how to use it, or hold a beautiful crimson pastel in my hand and wonder what magic I need to know to make it do something creative, or at least “legitimate.”  There is also an incredible sense of possibility as I imagine the unlimited potential that is right there in front of me.

But I’ve never known where to start.

To this day, I feel excitement when I sit with a sketchbook, 2B at the ready and although it is usually pretty quickly replaced with a familiar sense of frustration and paralysis, as I stare blankly at a blank page, there have been rare moments of inspiration when I remember what it was like to be a kid, drawing for drawing’s sake, and simply enjoy the feel of  pencil on paper.

It is a feeling too good to ignore any longer.